Remember when you used to always try to hold my hand when we would go somewhere, and I’d say no because even when we were little I still thought we were too big

Zoe starts taking medication that makes her wet the bed

The warmth of her urine wakes Amy up. She gets up and goes to their parents’ room and shakes their mom by the shoulder to come and change the sheets. Their mom comes and picks Zoe up and carries her into their room, placing her on her side of their bed. Zoe does not wake up. Sometimes their dad wakes up, and sometimes he doesn’t, because a lot of times he’s tired from his commute.

Finally the doctors find the tumor. The tumor is located in the left frontal lobe. The tumor is called a pilocytic astrocytoma. It is rare but the good news is it’s benign which means it doesn’t spread. Amy practices spelling pilocytic astrocytoma out loud like you do in spelling bees. Everyone is impressed that she can spell such long words. She can also spell benign even though it sounds like be nine, which Amy thinks is funny because she is about to be nine at the end of September, like the word is a message for her.

One day their parents decide to do surgery in spite of the risks. Later, when Zoe is asleep, Amy asks their mom what are the risks. Their mom says that the brain is very sensitive, and that if you operate on it, you run the risk of altering it. You can in fact completely change a person’s personality, because the brain controls everything, and for example there have been people who have had accidents that have affected their brains, and then they become criminals, or they just can’t think anymore.

Now Amy doesn’t sleep. It doesn’t wake her up when her sister wets the bed because she doesn’t sleep. Their dad buys an aquarium to put in their room because he says the fish are soothing. The aquarium has different kinds of fish in it: angelfish, minnows, and a little catfish that lives at the bottom where the rocks are.

Amy lies awake and looks at the fish. One by one the catfish eats the minnows by pulling them apart.

Amy is relieved when Zoe wets the bed so she can go and get their parents. But then everyone falls asleep again, leaving her alone.

Once there was a boy at camp who loved fish

Boys are not allowed at their camp, but this boy was somebody’s younger brother, and for some reason, he got special permission. He would follow their mom around all day whenever she would let him because he fell a little bit in love with her, even though he must have only been eleven or twelve. This was all a long time ago, before Amy and Zoe were born.

The boy was always talking about his aquarium at home and all the exotic fish he had. He always did his homework fast so he could take care of his fish. He cleaned the tank a lot and watched them and played them different kinds of music.

One day when he became a teenager he committed suicide. Their mom says it proves he didn’t know what he was doing that he shot himself in front of the aquarium, breaking the glass, and spilling all the fish out. Their mom says he didn’t die right away. His parents came running into the room when they heard the gunshot and found him lying on the floor in saltwater, blood, flopping fish, and broken glass. He was saying, shit, shit, shit, like that, over and over, and then he died.

Their dad doesn’t like for their mom to say bad words to them because he says they’re too young, but their mom says that’s just the way the world is, she didn’t make the words up.

She says suicide is the most selfish thing you can do, and to never do it.